The Case for Hope Pt. 2: The Cost of Despair

“Because I remember, I despair. Because I remember, I have the duty to reject despair. I remember the killers, I remember the victims, even as I struggle to invent a thousand and one reasons to hope.” – Elie Wiesel

This post was almost just named “The Cost of Despair,” which I recently realized would have been a mistake. The way we process language matters, and I choose to start with hope, because we can’t afford not to hope. By hoping, we strengthen our cause and increase our chances of regaining control of our country from heartless oligarchs.

I will talk about hope in this post, but first, I do want to address the cost of despair, and what despair can look like. I think the FOTUS regaining power and the general apathy of the public are symptoms of a deeper despair that the American people have been feeling for a long time. The COVID pandemic deepened that despair greatly for many. Mental health problems have entered a greater awareness than ever, but they’re still not always addressed well by our healthcare system, and services can be hard to access. Wages have not kept up with the costs of living, and the average American carries a lot of debt and has little in liquid assets. People have grown more isolated, contrary to the interconnectedness that was promised by the internet. Traditional media and social media have heavily contributed to a sense of fear and suspicion of others, and to widespread belief in rising violent crime rates, even though violent crime rates have dropped considerably over the last few decades.

Some of that despair could be labeled as unearned, such as the despair that many white men and women have felt on realizing that DEI meant they would have to compete on their own merits and didn’t have the in-born advantage they felt they deserved. Some of it is perhaps a little more understandable, such as the people living in small towns and watching the children leave for the city, threatening the future of the town they know and love. However, bigotry and fear of what’s new or different are a major component of the undercurrent of much of the despair that led to the election results we saw in November.

Despair is a very costly emotion. It robs us of peace and rest. It robs us of visions of a better future. It destroys our trust and openness. It makes us desperate and ungenerous as we enter survival mode. It costs lives, as despair can worsen depression, strengthen the pull of addiction, drain our health, and lead to violence. It weakens plans, as the uncertainty of each moment makes plans feel pointless. And because the future feels shaky, and the present feels unsafe, we often long for the past, which we view through rose-tinted glasses.

In the fight for democracy, despair will sink us. Those who believe that democracy is lost may stop fighting, and their absence in protests and political action will weaken the movement. Every person’s contribution is important, so it is important to hold onto the hope of a better future.

Nurture Your Hope

Believe it or not, hope can be a skill. You can practice it, you can nurture it, and you can harness it. It’s not enough to try to get back to the nation we were living in a year ago, because that was a nation that voted for a bigoted felon. We need to hope and fight for something better. Things like healthcare that doesn’t bankrupt us. Things like walkable communities with third spaces and social events that are open to everyone. Things like progressive tax structures that enable a living wage for teachers and civil servants.

We need to support that hope with actionable plans, clear demands for our government, and supportive social networks. We need to support that hope by focusing less on what we will get out of it, and more on what future generations can attain through our work. Because this will likely be a long journey.

It can really help to have tools in place to nurture your hope. I saw a wonderful link posted on Bluesky suggesting that everyone should build an emotional go bag. Posting the link here. What’s In Your Emotional Go Bag

The page was inspired by the LA wildfires, and suggests that in addition to a physical go bag in case of emergencies, filled with clothes, toiletries, important documents, and anything else you might need if you have to evacuate in a hurry, you should start building an emotional go bag. Put together a list of the tools and resources that help you feel secure and bolster your hope and emotional well-being.

Visit the link for the authors suggestions. They’re good ones. I would like to add a few more.

Build your Resilience Playlist(s)

Music can be a very effective way to manage your emotions. The type of playlist you turn to is going to depend on your personal preferences and probably your mood. It will depend on what kind of music you like and what you need from the music.

Putting together a playlist full of fun and upbeat music might help you escape the harsh realities for a while. A spiritual or religious playlist might help you feel less alone or disconnected. A relaxing, spa-like or classical music playlist might just slow you down enough to breathe deep and relieve some stress. A playlist full of marches and showtunes like “Do you Hear the People Sing” might help you feel pumped up and ready to take on the world.

I personally tend to turn to rock and metal. I actually did a little write-up about my current resilience-building playlist here. Some would probably find some of the songs on my playlist bleak or dark, but it suits me personally, and that’s what it’s all about.

Take Breaks From it All

You aren’t fighting this fight alone. If you need to sit out a protest or a meeting, that won’t be the difference between democracy rising from the ashes and totalitarian hell. Because others will show up to the protest, and others will carry on the meeting. And you will rest, and you will return to the effort renewed and strengthened while others take their turns to rest.

Make time for family. Make time for yourself. Make time for your hobbies. Get off the internet for a while (I admit I’m a total hypocrite for typing that out). Be present in the moment while you hang out with friends.

Recognize and Name Your Emotions

When you feel despair or fear start setting in, name it for what it is. Tell yourself, or tell a friend, that you’re scared of losing friends or family. That you’re scared of getting hurt or arrested. That you’re scared of being deported or attacked.

When you feel sad that you have had to put up boundaries or cut friends and family out of your life because they have become hateful or harmful, it’s okay to say so. It’s okay to say that you miss them, or you miss the way they used to be or seemed to be.

And let yourself really feel those emotions for a bit. Cry, scream, or punch a pillow if you need to. Experience them, name them, and then let them go. It’s rarely as easy as that, but letting yourself fully and consciously give in to the emotion can make it easier to move on from them after.

Celebrate the Wins

Celebrate every win, whether it’s a win in your personal life, or a win for democracy. Celebrate every time a judge makes a lawful and ethical ruling on the administration’s abuses of power. Celebrate every town hall held by AOC and Bernie Sanders, and all the thousands of people enthusiastically cheering for them. Celebrate the well-attended town halls full of angry constituents demanding their rights be upheld when those town halls are held by politicians who are capitulating to the FOTUS. Celebrate each progressive and positive candidate who wins offices in your local elections.

Celebrate by sharing the news on your social media. Celebrate by doing a happy dance and smiling. Celebrate by calling up a friend and asking if they’ve seen the news. Celebrate by reaching out to congratulate the successful candidates.

Celebrate your own actions when you volunteer and help someone in need. Celebrate your own protest sign, and share with everyone you know how clever and fun it is. Celebrate your friends who see you getting involved and take that as inspiration to get involved as well. Celebrate another day of survival. Celebrate it all, and share that celebration when you can.

Wrap-Up

Hope is the most important tool in this fight. We have to maintain and protect our hopes and our visions for a better future. Sometimes we will lose the hope or the energy for a bit, and that’s when self-care becomes absolutely necessary. Take the time to take care of yourself, and then return to action once you have recovered. The rest of us will be keeping your spot open for you to jump back in.